Firstly, it's very hot in my apartment so I am writing this topless.
Secondly, my department employs roughly 200 staff members. That's just RN's, CNA's (MA's), and unit secretaries (PSS or PSN's, UST's or whatever the fuck they call themselves this week...) That's not counting the dozens of MD's, med students, interns, residents just for the ER, as well as the dozens of MD's, residents, med students, interns for all the different departments. THen count radiology, registration, ultrasound, people that just wander around the ER, and you have a couple of hundred people a night in one confined area.
Guess how many employee bathrooms this area (which we will refer to as the Emergency Department) has?
7?
10?
42?
ha ha!
2.
TWO bathrooms for employees to use. ALL employees.
That's part of the contribution to one-or-two pee nights.
Out of all of those people, someone is generally always going to be hogging one of the 2 bathrooms, usually taking a very prolonged, very odiferous shit.
One bathroom is located directly inside our breakroom/kitchen area, and has the sound-proofness of, say, nothing. You can hear every squeak, drop, and piddle. It's embarassing to use.
so that leaves the other one, which is on the other side of that wall, which is equally as soundproof.
Anyway---that's not necessarily the brunt of this discussion, although it is frustrating. Especially when *I* am the one who finally FINALLY! gets to get to the toilet. oh! thank heavens...
not so fast, Ratched....you have some roadblocks to bathroom using.
1) is the bathroom functional? Often times there will be water spraying from the pipe that goes from toilet to wall. That's a hoot to walk into, especially when the floor has at least 2 inches of standing water in there, and your co-workers were of course not kind enough to put a SIGN ON THE DOOR OR CALL ENGINEERING. fuckers.
2) Is the bathroom...in usable condition? Has the slob before you had the courtesy to flush their 18 inch terlet snake? Perhaps the triage slob who wears the same scrubs, with the same stains, for 3 weeks at a time pissed on the seat again. Is there a large puddle of piss on the floor? Has the bathroom been recently frequented by whoever it is that powders their entire body (??) and leaves 2 inches of baby powder on the toilet seat (????) and on the floor, and the sink
3) Are there adequate supplies in the bathroom? Has housekeeping taken the time from their busy scheudle of napping and hiding behind carts to supply the bathroom with more than 14 squares of toilet paper (this is the real reason of the rant....follow below)? Is there soap? Paper towels? If you work at my hospital, probably not.
----
So, if you can't tell, I tend to get frustrated easily and am annoyed by most aspects of the universe. I have always been perplexed by the toilet paper that this hospital uses because it's extremely impractical. It comes on a roll the size of a tractor-trailer tire, and you can only pull off one very small square at a time (square measurement approximatley 1 pixel x 1 pixel).
So god forbid you actually drank more than 2 ounces of fluid and pee like a normal fucking human being and need more than one small square to get yourself nice and tidy---you're going to be pulling..one...square...at...a...time. Which is really impractical because I don't need a 9 inch thick peice of ass paper to clean with. I'd like a smooth flowing contigious set of 6, maybe 7 squares, perhaps enough to wrap around my hand glove-style.
But that's impossible. Because you're allowed one square at a time.
maybe we're supposed to quilt them together?
At any rate, I've been stewing about this since 2008. So tonight I asked one of the few housekeepers that speaka da good englich why the toilet paper was so impractical
Her answer "because it cost too much money to use the other kind"
huh? The rolls cost more?
"no. because people use it more. They use more toilet paper, so we replace it more often. So now they get the one with the little square so you can't pull off too much at a time"
WTF
They've gotten rid of my COLA pay increase. They've decreased the yearly pay increase. They've increased the % I pay for benefits, and decreased the amount they contribute to my retirement.
and now they're going after the toilet paper??
is there no end to this budgetary maddness?
I bet the CEO has free flowing, multi-layer ass canvas.
I'm so annoyed! Partially because this whole time (well, some of the time) I thought *I* was using the paper wrong. Maybe I should pull it down insead of out. Maybe out instead of down. Back instead of to the front.
NO! All these years of self doubt and insecurity, and the problem was never mine to begin with.
I am filled with anger, and pee.
Thankfully now I"m home, where I can wipe my ass with an entire ROLL IF I SO CHOOSE TO DO SO.
what nazi's.
----
On that note, I bid you adieu, auf weiderzein, and goodnight. And I leave you with a favourite song of mine,
A Gorilla Driving A Pickup Truck.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvIhzUXmz2k
Jim, I've been driving tractor trailer for years
Yeah it's true! I seen him, green Ram
Gorilla driving a pickup trick
70 on the speedometer, 16 gears
driving for Seven Centinium Mayflower
Peterbilt trollin, I'm sweatin'
I'm about to vomit on the highway
I seen the rearview mirror drivin towards Texas my way
him chewin bananas wearing a bandana
a speed chase, a truck running 200 k's
loaded down with produce, diesel gas with juice
I gassed up...he put his mask up
running over reindeers
head on with a moose
racin' the train, runnin next to the caboose
big load behind me
I'm lonely. I'm on my CB Radio talking to ghosts
"Gorilla's following me...gorilla's behind me"
I'm looking for a truck stop there's nothing in sight
trying to get up the road with all my might.
I'm looking at the side angle
hoping my wheels don't tangle
I opened up a can...I reached back into my sleeper
and grabbed a can of Rango
I was moving fast
He got up in front...the gorilla looked at me and passed
He was on my ass!
I looked at my tank, my tank was on "E"
Runnin up hill I got slow, my gas got empty
I had enough fuel to duel
he's trying to pass me!
Lookin in the left mirror...
lookin in the right mirror...
I won't even make an error
He's changing left...
He's changing right....
I cut him off on the side
He's throwing bananas under my wheels
I'm sliding going down those Texas hills
"Gorilla's looking at me
Driving behind me...."
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